Fraulein14

I'm seriously shocked to know God really hears my pain,my sorrow,and even my prayer about the time i passed in Roleplayer *if you had read my post you will know why* I just.. well i suppose not being like a happy person on people's sorrow yeahh to be honest i'm not happy I just feel relived. Good night Lord, It's been a long time You make me survive facing those betrayal,facing those who had betrayed me. You control my mind and my behave how to act and speak in front of those betrayal.  It was hard and painful inside me.. But,somehow i believe that's for my own sake I feel blessing to face this first cos i believe there's a rainbow after my unstoppable rain There will be someone new who will do better and tonight i don't wanna be happy cos of those who betrayed me has a pain i don't wanna said ''yeah you see that's for what you did''  NOO!! Tonight .. I wanna thank You Lord for always stay by my side for al

I have a lot beautiful things once i know they won't last forever and i'm glad to have them even just for once I'm a kind of a fragile one I'm kinda sensitive when something mess up with things i love I'm kinda possessive if it's about 'MINE' Things i had once already gone People i love and care about too They're gone left me with this pain,wounds and scars which hard to be cured Afraiddd... that's how i feel right now Tireddd.. i wish i have someone to lend me their shoulder i wish i have someone to open their ears to listen to my sorrow i wish i have someone to back up my back when i fall But it won't happen.. I'm sick of this tears I'm tired of listening those mock How could she said that i'm not deserved to get his love again? how could she said i want him form something? yeahh! i want him for something.. I want him to know that was hurt,even it hurts until my bone I feel like being numb I&#

The day i spent in this world Every hours,minutes even in any seconds i do have a lot of wishing list which i hope could be granted But i realize yeah i realize Who wants to stay beside a person like me? idiot,ugly,bitc*h,stupid,poor,dummy ah yeah all bad things like they said and talk about me But the day i met you, i thought it will disappear I thought i will be safe in your tender but it's all wrong I felt another mock,another dump i turn back into my miserable life, a life where i don't want to live in yeahh alone, all alone Why it's always me who fight to death for people i love,but they don't? Why always me who suffering alone,with no one by my side? Why i never have someone who can i entrust? Why i don't have someone who will step in front of me whenever people mock me,whenever i'm alone? I had one.. It was you DAD! :'( Why you have to leave me forever,alone here it's dark over here.. i'm afraid there's no o

Summer is coming up~ That means no more school A holiday season. The first day in Summer the Sun's shine coming up greet all people in the town accompany all to spend their vacation But not to me.. That's too hot it's almost burn me oh... i think i have fever all of sudden since the time we were seperated something is missing missing you like crazy in this summer under the sun's shine which almost burn me Can't you see my pale face? Can't you heart yearning of my heart? Don't you know i'm turn into pieces seeing you and her spend time together serenade whole the time receive a lot of romantic and a beautiful words I guess this time its fair This season really know the painful i feel I hope i could stay in this illness better than seeing you and her

Delusion is a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary it is distinct from a belief based on false or incomplete information, confabulation, dogma, illusion, or other effects of perception.   Through all this time All the moments we had back then The way we laugh,talk,loving each other, just a delusion All the confession,the promises,seemed so real The warmth of your tender,when i was hugged it was so real in my insight but knowing the truth  That you were just pretending.. Acting like i was the only one A Delusion.. It was such a delusion,wasn't it? The time finally we met again, but you're gone The time i spent to fight alone The time i spent for waiting But the fact..i got nothing.. Oh! Wait! I REALLY GOT SOMETHING!! THEIR MOCK,THEIR BAD WORDS TO ME THE FEEL OF HATE THE FEEL OF WISHING I NEVER EXIST!!  ALSO THE WAY YOU SAY "YOU'RE NOT IMPORTANT COMPARE TO THEM! YOU'RE BI

When i feel like no one cares about me When i saw he left me and dumped me When i realize my friends betrayed me When i saw i'm alone here I got myself weaken I got myself shivering I feel like dying alone But.. I can hear a voice whispering me softly I feel like in the most warm tender ever It makes me realize Yeah there's only one who loves me the most It's YOU,JESUS I can see,You are waiting for me all the times I can feel You hugged me when i'm alone I realize that You wipe out my tears when i'm crying I can feel You hear my heart when it's screaming loudly You hold my hand tight so i can't fall apart You protect me from all those enemies You have showed me the unconditional Love You are always there to be my strength when i'm down To be honest i'm still miss everything about him i'm still remember the sweet times You allowed me to spend with him..   that's all i miss about him.. But,You Lord You

I can still remember like yesterday We were so in love in a special way And knowing that your love will make me feel oh so right But now I feel lost, don’t know what to do Each and every day I think of you Holdin’ back the tears, I’m trying with all my might Because you’ve gone and left me standing all alone And I know I’ve got to face tomorrow on my own.. Before I let you go I want to say I love you You’ll be forever in my heart And I know that no one else will do, Letting love go is never easy But I love you so That’s why I set you free And I know Someday Somehow I’ll find a way To leave it all behind me… - freestyle “before i let you go” Maybe I was just a stepping stone for you to get to that point in your life where you’d figure out what you wanted, or didn’t want. So to prove to you that I love you so much,  i will step aside and set you free… but promise me you wont give up of your dreams, make them all come true. Smile and be happy. and take care of yo

Remember the old times Looking at the memories which always coming in my mind whenever i'm alone.. Looking at myself in front of the mirror "Why you are so miserable?" "You're not deserve to be happy,just look around people left you" "You're just a glitch in their life, no need to fight for him anymore,he's already hers he's already gone, he's already mocking you,he's already said you are just a shi*t'' But i keep asking my self ''Why do i still care,when i know it hurts?" "Why do i have to cry,when i know he won't care?" "Why should i scream loudly in a lonely place when i know no one would care?" Tried to hold back my tears not to fall B-b-b- but it's hard Tried to hate you,tried to forget B-b-b- but still whenever i'm alone, listen to the songs we used to play Oh.. i forget your heart already hers your mind full of hers I bet,you already forget your promis

Time passed quickly Who knows that Spring almost over We had just begun a new page in a new life But that doubt,pain,betrayal keep coming like a shadow It's almost the end of Spring's page in that book It's written all the stories which happened I even hadn't had chance to fix all the mess but end up with another mess I though we could stop having argument but not 'You and your shit negthink, i hate you, you even meaningless to me' Yeah another mocked Another truth revealed. The truth is all this time you were pretending All this time i'm the only one who be pitied by you and your guardians I guess I'm wrong Why did we have to meet if we end up like this? End up with mocking each other No,i'm not mocking you Stupid me right? Still care when know it hurts 'Yes maybe we can back like we used to be if you back like you used to be' Me?Changing? Isn't it you who are changing? I'm act like this to defend myfel

if you can stuck at her why i can't? if she can spend a romance whole day with u why i cant? why being her who had u back in time was full pf romance.. but me only being pervert,am i a sextoy? why ? no one can explain it i have open up my mind, my heart but i'm too afraid it feels like it's unfair all men are the same only think about their selfishness all men are cold, including you idiot don't act nice of sudden if whole time you always cold me to me, i'm not that stupid for you it's just a game cos you don't hurt the same though i had told you everything but /sigh/ yeah i'm meaningless, i just nothing to you is that so easy for people to forget about me? why? don't pretend to be nice cos you are pitied to me i hate it,it hurts I'm sick of this tears I'm tired I don't know what suppose to do It's only me who try to fight for It's so nice to be her who always being remembered not only y

At the time i saw the words you said It makes me realize how stupid i am It makes me realize that i was so lucky I did something stupid back in time And It makes me wish for a time machine Bring me back to that time so i don't need to make a mistake But if i did it will we ever met? Will i become stronger and stand on my own feet like right now? Will i able to be independent person like who i am now though i'm still fragile But it makes me realize i have my own reason why i have to delete you I have my own goal to reach I have my own reality to face Honestly it's hard.. I guess i'm too sensitive *sigh* I hate this I just hope i can keep pretending in front of you that i don't care that sometimes i don't wanna remember that time But this's my fate.. Unlucky.. I was born to live in this fate I try to keep a distance I try to pay attention to another I try not to care why you have to say that again *Ahhhh i'm not hoping

Semua yang memiliki awal akan ada akhir Semua pertemuan akan diakhiri dengan perpisahan Semua tawa akan berubah menjadi airmata di akhir cerita entah airmata seperti apa,tak seorangpun tahu Semua rasa sayang akan menjadi benci di akhir cerita entah apakah benci itu menandakan rasa atau hanya dendam atau hanya tangis kehilangan dimana tak semua memahami hal itu Cinta..Persahabatan..Musuh.. Itu semua komponen utama dalam lakon hidup ini Tak ada satu formula pun yang dapat menjelaskan mengapa Tak ada satu orang pun yang dapat pungkiri kenyataan Tak ada satupun yang dapat menghindari semua itu Kesia-siaan..Kekecewaan.. Akhir sebuah cerita yang tak berujung Akhir sebuah rasa sakit yang diterima Pengkhianatan, terbuang, terlupakan Hmm.. dapatkah kau jelaskan semua itu ? Dapatkah kau artikan semua tulisan bodoh yang ku tuliskan ? Tentu tidak! ya,benar begitu.. Kau,dia ataupun mereka takkan memahami Kau,dia ataupun mereka tak merasakan sebuah kehilangan tak merasakan

Real world vs Fake world It 's about back in a long time ago when i was as myself,when i was used to be. Long time ago i used to be alone,which always being called as 'freak,weird,loser' or whatever people said about their point of view.Long time ago was part of my happiness when there's still tender i could feel whenever i heard people talked bad about me.I had my dad who always stay by my side,who always support me,who always made my wishes granted.Back then with dad i felt like a princess who live in a castle though sometimes some of his brother-hood didn't like the way he treated me,cos it might make me as a spoil daughter which can cause a lot of trouble so they tried to disciplined me. Star that time i felt like in jail,not allowed to feel like others kids, always have a daily routine if not i'll get punishment. Geez,skip that cos it's not necessary. In conclusion i used to be alone with no one understand who i really even my self :c Since tha

"I like being alone. At least I convince myself i'm better off that way" Sometimes yeah i must admit that words,but sometimes i hate being alone.   I hate being alone.. I hate left behind alone.. I hate feels like unwanted,unknown,neglected BUT Please don't act like you are really care Please don't say i'm gonna be okay like you were in my position once Please don't say that sweet words in fact you have hurt me once Please don't ever try to comfort me if you are gonna hurt me again I prefer to be alone here with no one care I prefer to be un-recognize to be hurt for many times  I like being alone this way Looking at people through the street with a bright smile Looking at couple holding hands and hug each others Looking at you and them live happily out there with no pressure I like stay in the corner of the dark alone Pretending like someone will come over and care about me Pretending

Langit malam yang cerah Bintang bertabur menghiasi dengan indah Angin malam yang sejuk Seolah membisikkan sebuah pesan padaku Desir ombak di tepi pantai Seolah bernyanyi dengan merdu Hembusan angin malam membuat daun pepohonan bergoyang Bergoyang mengikut arahnya angin Melekukkan dahan dan ranting layaknya penari profesional Indah..Cantik..Menawan, menatap langit seperti ini Damai..Tentram..Aman,merasakan angin malam yang menghampiri tubuhku Dingin terasa tak ku pedulikan.. Memang masih kah ada di dunia ini yang menyadari keberadaanku ? Memang masih adakah di dunia ini yang menganggap aku ada ? Bukankah aku mudah untuk dilupakan ? Bukankah aku tidak memenuhi kriteria untuk seperti mereka rupawan,seksi,cantik,menarik,kaya,berbakat,banyak di kagumi oranglain punya banyak teman,selalu banyak yang peduli Bukankah aku lebih pantas berada di sini ? Ya.. di sini.. Di luar .. di tempat dingin dan seorang diri Memandang dari jauh melihat sebuah kebahagiaan yang hilang

  It's hard... I can't lie to myself if it's not. Even though i say it's not,it becomes more painful deep in my heart. How can I forgive them when i know my heart still feels then pain ? How can i forgive myself when i can't heal that wounds ? How can I forget those bad memories when they still exist in my life? Should i kill them ? or should i kill myself ? What should i do then ? How can I back to the old me when there're a lot of wounds,pain and nightmare around me How can I be my own self when I know that I have been dumped and negelcted I can't even show the world my bright smile,like i did once when i saw them having fun when i feel the sorrow I can't even remember how was my life look like before this pain, was it interesting? was it fun? I don't know who I am right now, I'm lost I'm here in the place where i don't belong to I'm here .. yeah .. standing here.. alone. It's so scary,facing these

Hey memories~ What's up? We meet again now... BUT ... I'll never be the same if we ever meet again Time passed by.. Day by day i live with an emptiness Every night i keep wondering can i be the old me? But i guess God's answer 'NO' So then i realize.. I'm just nothing I'm not precious for anyone I'm not deserved to stand by your side. It's them who deserve it.. I keep watching it from a corner of the dark Alone~ Watching people passed by Hoping you'll realize But.. It's all hopeless After that pain passed, After spend a lot of tears, After i keep wondering like a fool We meet.. BUT I'm not the same me anymore.. I'm not the old me anymore.. I'm changing,like you I used to crazy about you I used to love you I used to admiring you I used to want to be by your side but now it's all GONE yeahh! It's all gone! Can you believe it? Geez,you won't ever This time when we meet a

Di hidup ini banyak hal yang terjadi,baik suka,duka,tawa,airmata,kecewa,marah,putus asa,frustasi.Hidup mengajari hal indah dan buruk.Hidup dapat merubah yang indah menjadi buruk,mengubah buruk menjadi indah,terlebih apabila itu pandangan oranglain tentang kita. Di hidup ini ku dapat berbagai nilai,namun sayang aku merasa aku yang dulu telah menghilang,lenyap entah kemana ditelan bumi.Aku yang dulu berbeda dengan aku yang sekarang,entah apa kah karena hal sepele itu?atau apakah memang aku yang tidak pantas untuk melewati fase menjadi seekor kupu-lupu cantik?Atau apakah memang waktu bagiku tak akan pernah muncul,meski sebentar saja. Maafkan aku hai hati yang sudah bertahan lama selama ini Maafkan aku hai mata yang sudah lelah meneteskan airmata setiap malam Maafkan aku hai perut membuatmu tersiksa dengan keegoisanku Maafkan aku Tuhan,terlalu sering terlarut dalam kebodohanku yang sudah memang jelas buat dia,dan mereka aku tak pernah ada bagi dia dan mereka aku hanyalah ulat

"Love that's how suppose to be,that's what all people dream of a happy ending of their love.But do you know that love sometimes doesn't like the way you think,feel,see or have.Love has another to explain,it has something unpredictable." For all this period,i guess only these blog,those papers,my heart,my imagination and God who know how i feel.This time i just realize i'm so stupid in love,it always has a miserable ending. Two different stories which i'm gonna tell,they have same result in the end,different cause,different level of pain. First ,it was seven years ago when i met him,i didn't have any feeling through him after we spend a lot of time as team-mate,classmate.At that time i felt happy that he was really respect me,treat me just like his friends and even laughing together.But when i realized i had a feeling and i did something stupid,i told my friend but she can't keep her mouth off,she told him everything."ahh what's on