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Flashback

Real world vs Fake world

It's about back in a long time ago when i was as myself,when i was used to be. Long time ago i used to be alone,which always being called as 'freak,weird,loser' or whatever people said about their point of view.Long time ago was part of my happiness when there's still tender i could feel whenever i heard people talked bad about me.I had my dad who always stay by my side,who always support me,who always made my wishes granted.Back then with dad i felt like a princess who live in a castle though sometimes some of his brother-hood didn't like the way he treated me,cos it might make me as a spoil daughter which can cause a lot of trouble so they tried to disciplined me. Star that time i felt like in jail,not allowed to feel like others kids, always have a daily routine if not i'll get punishment. Geez,skip that cos it's not necessary. In conclusion i used to be alone with no one understand who i really even my self :c
Since that mom and dad  keep busy with their schedule,so i think i'll see them in weekend..yeah sometimes,but if i'm lucky. It also the same at school,yeah no friend to talk with..alone

 

Just sitting down in a bench enjoying my lunch or watching the others having fun.All things i can do only smile whenever someone passed by.With no topic to discuss about.So boring but yeahh that how i live till i don't know :|
you can say i'm such a dull back in time,i'm not as smart as my friend, not popular at that time..umm i guess until now :| Even back in time i felt like i'm not deserved to be part of someone's life,so all thing i could make just mess things around, just screw up their happiness. One day i joined my friends play 'jumping rope' i was not a good player so i keep get punishment but the captain of team did the punishment since i can't do that. See,how useless i am ~
I felt like God answered my prayer when i was at the 2nd grade, i'm one of the best 5 in class,but still nothing changed.Time passed,i only know happiness from mom and dad,the way they educated me to be discipline, to work even harder, no need to think about having fun while i'm still a student or at least i get my own income in a average.

 
Spent time at home,watching from inside kids out there having fun in the evening. Can't go outside except i had done all my tasks,studied and took a nap. I know it's all good,but yeah till now i'm still act how i used to be if it's about socialization. The worst thing happen when i was in the 5th grade, i lost my dad forever,i lost my spirit, i lost my hope.If only until now i still have dad, i can share all the things with him,his tenderness all i need when people mocked me. But i guess God wants me to fight for my own.So that time changed my life, i got closer to Lord,though i was still naughty but in average i keep my faith in Jesus ^^. 

 Honestly at that time i felt like Jesus changed my life,He changed my mind,He made me one of yeah you can say 'smart' but still not as smart as the others.I still feel envy with their intelligence,and socialization.But i found a new world what that time was not popular, KPOP. I knew SJ Ryeowook who inspired me then few months later Wonder Girls' Sun. They show me the power in survive to live. I don't want to be pitied by people cos of my situation i'm strong enough.

So then i started up my path to like KPOP and as new me.
 
Well, i encouraged myself to be more social, i interacted and gained friends. Well till now some of them still keep in touch and the rest yeah a half had betrayed me,and others busy with their world. I fell in love with guy in my course but honestly i was afraid to feel that things cos i wasn't not mature enough to take care of my self and yeah you can say if at that i'm in relationship, i could be sooooo complicated @_@
Then i decided only keep that feeling. Whenever i saw him,i felt like i got a new spirit to study hard,even my marks increase /.\ so i thought it's a positive side to fall in love with a smart guy. But there's problem which made him and i in argue till now almost for 8 years *sigh* skip that :| then finally when the last level done,we're separated. I found another guy,no not fall in love with him,but as my close friend. It was the first time i got close to a boy,so close,even teacher was surprised seeing me with a guy :| now he's in a medical faculty ^^
Met those boys showed me the positive about love. But it's all changing when i join a 'Fake world'
 
Decide to join fake world when i got an insight about boy who felt the same loneliness with me back in time was such a hard decision. But i thought i could give me some good experience.. but in fact.. NOT
If you have read my post 'miserable triangle love' will find out why i say so.
It's so lucky to be that girl who grabbed him from a  r e a l  and in that fake world. So lucky to be her in that fake world where there're a lot of people be pitied to her condition of love problems in that fake world.
Yeah,so lucky being couple behind me when that stupid boy keep saying such a nonsense sweet words :'' while it was had been more than 6 months with her. Moreover so lucky to be one of his guardians who keep their eyes on him,and being remembered all the time,not like me while back time only as his se*xtoy and stay awake till he woke up from his comma,got my tears dried and keep mention his name in prayer.Totally different when at the time they become couple :'' He also never blame her when my account blocked by her,not even blame on her,so different when i block her account he was really mad and totally angry even try to hate me.She said that she never disturb me and him while we were couple but nonsense they had fun in DM,they pretended like they didn't in timeline..So pity me *sigh*.He also didn't blame his guardians who mocked me in past,he only said all the posititve talks about them
Due to that,once i lost my faith in Lord,but people who i trust and share that problems with told me to believe in Jesus's plan,cos He has His own reason why should i choose to join that fake world.Still hard to forget when you're in your happiness then people comes and takes all those things.And now only left pain and being alone as usual.







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