Numb and heartless never exist

Neglected . . .
yeah that one word which turns me into a miserable one
one word which makes me feel like i'm a begger
one word which makes me afraid to dream
one word which makes me into this situation

Let's do a flashback . . . .

Smile.. A tenderness.. A happiness.. and Love even a sweet words
Back in time i can easily do all that sweet things, say all sweet things
Back in time i can easily smile, i have courage to reach people i love
even in my dreams
Back in time it was so easy for me to share a bright smile
Back in time i had courage to live in my dreams

but now . . .

That negative thinking always come out
I can't get calm
I get lost
yeahh.. i'm lost in this kind of situation
I'm dumped into this situation

"It'll be nice to be in her position,people feel bad and do sympathy"
"She's so lucky,the one who always you remember,oh not only her but also them''
''Me? Oh i forget i never did exist in your world''
It's all what my mind keep saying

I'm sick of this tears,
I'm sick of myself
I hate looking at my miserable life
Can i just live peacefully like i used to God ?

I try not to remember it but..
*sigh* i don't know
I don't like being a nice person,a smart one, a nice one
or whatever people called it.
I don't want to care about those who's in dying situation
I don't want to feel love from anyone and
i don't want to feel love

I feel numb..
I even don't know which path should i take
I even can't be myself..
I feel so miserable
I feel like i'm a begger such ashamed
I hate myself

I have told all my mind,
but for you all those words such an annoying one
yeah a trash..
That's what i feel when i see your reaction

So different when you are with her
Keep saying a sweet words and act like a good boy
when you with them keep act like you are a sweet boy
or whatever it looks like
For me it's so disgusting..

I hate wearing a mask to get people in my side
I just love being the way i am
cos that's the way i live

by: Fraulein14

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Fraulein14

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