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Don't Hate Me


Time flies so fast, i even don't recognize what time is it, what day and the date...

I open up my eyes, move my body slowly from my bed..
preparing myself to face another ordinary day as usual..

I have a dream..
I have a wish..
I wanna try anything i want..
I wanna explore myself more..

But this is not me!!

When facing my reflection on the mirror, i could i'm changing..
I even don't know who i am..
I lose myself!!

I lose everything about me..

Where i can find it?
Will i be able to bring it back?
Will my environment accept that???

I feel confused, feels aching in my heart..

Yeah, maybe i;m changing to show those who has changed already..
But i feel uncomfortable.. This is not me..definitely..

I prefer my old self though many people hate it..
I prefer to be hated to lose myself..
It's better for me to be alone whole time rather than i can't recognize myself...

Time passes quickly as usual, and i have no idea where my old self is..
I feel no hope..
I feel empty..
I even don't remember reason why i'm doing all of this..
I have no spirit to fight back for everything..

So.. i choose to hide.. wearing a mask is better
Pretending i'm fine..
Pretending i;m capable..
just because i don't want people mock and talk about me something bad..
moreover in order for a prestige..

BUT STILL I DON'T GET IT ENOUGH!!

I hate changing..
I just wanna be back to the old me..

So, please don't hate me for who i am..
Don't hate me cos i'm too childish, honesty, curious..
This is the way how i enjoy myself...

Please don't hate me cos of my silly imagination..
cos of my silly writing done here..

This's how much i'm enjoying myself..

Don't Hate Me cos you don't know the reason for everything i did





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The End

This situation (re: pandemic) makes me realize abut that quote Life isn't fair, and whether I'm ready or not I have to adjust myself Even for the last 19months, I doubt my faith in God I keep questioning Him for detailed reasons about everything that happened I wonder why my prayers haven't been answered even till the day I get up and write this thing I wonder why people never appreciate and notice me no matter how hard I try to compare to 'that people' I wonder why wise quotes keep saying about miracles and good news every morning when I see nothing changed except the way I see my life.. Yeah the way I see life..different I used to believe in dreams and goals, but my dreams and goals got cut off by the reality I used to believe that someday I'll be loved and I'll find love, but I got rejected and humiliated many times I used to believe I deserve chances, but I got none - I got kicked out because they only took me for granted People shared their pain with a

Pembuktian

Langit tak perlu berkoar-koar untuk membuktikan bahwa dirinya tinggi Hanya gedung sajalah yang perlu membuktikan bahwa dirinya tinggi Gedung itu berkoar-koar melalui manusia-manusia yang saling bertukar kata Gedung itu bahkan tidak menyadari bahwa dia akan dibanding dengan sesamanya Semakin ia bisa menyentuh langit, semakin banggalah dirinya Namun langit hanya tetap akan diam, dan memaklumi Langit tidak perlu berkoar-koar membuktikan dirinya tinggi Karena hujan akan turun untuk membuktikan Langit hanya perlu diam Orang-orang banyak berkoar-koar dengan percaya diri bahwa bumi itu besar tapi  mereka tidak tahu bahwa Jupiter jauh lebih besar tapi Jupiter tidak perlu berkoar-koar membuktikan dirinya besar Bahkan Jupiter pun sadar bahwa kelak akan ada yang lebih besar dibanding dirinya Peneliti pun membuktikan bahwa ada yang lebih besar dari Jupiter, OGLE-2016-BLG-1190Lb Mereka menyebutnya Exoplanet Laut tak perlu berkoar-koar untuk membuktikan bahwa dirinya luas

Cinderella

When I was young, girls at my age shared the same dreams of becoming a Princess Most of them said that they'd love to be Cinderella Well, I'm sure people on earth know the story of Cinderella A girl, A shoe, A Prince and also A magic. Every girls sure envy her, Cinderella But not every girls want to go through the same pain that Cinderella had once Step mother, step sisters, even being treated unfairly and don't forget that she has no chance to tell her father all the pains We all know that in fairy tale every Princess will have their happily ever after, but it will hard to find that in our real world It's even harder to be Cinderella in our life, seems like 1 in Million will turn out becoming Cinderella Ah, I wish that I could be Cinderella too I wish to spend the life like fairy tale Princesses have having a good palace, meet such a handsome Prince even having a magical time with love of my life What a good life..too good to be true Isn't